36 Questions To Fall In Love
A psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron came up with the book, 'The 36 Questions to Fall in Love' in 1997 at Stony Brook University in New York.
In a much later NY Times Modern Love Column in 2015, Many Len Catron recreated these questions with someone whom she eventually marries. From then on, the experiment gained a lot of following. Here are those questions that are wildly popular everywhere.
List Of 36 Questions That Leads To Love
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling.."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you have just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? Be Yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dash to save any one item safely. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect to you on how you seem to be feeling about the problems you have chosen.
Do The 36 questions To Fall In Love Work?
The 36 questions have helped a few couples fall in love, however, not everyone was lucky enough. Mandy Len Catron, the writer behind the popular essay in the New York Times' Modern Love column did fall in love and get married to the person she experimented these questions on.
As you answer and listen to the fellow person's answer, you get to know a lot about the compatibility between the two of you, and you can also know whether the two of you will work out or not.
Another couple from one of Aron's original experiments married, thanks to the 36 questions, and the entire research team attended the wedding. Not everyone falls in love and ends up getting married because of the questions, as everyone has their own ways of falling in love. You can know beforehand what type of relationship both of you want.
The questions cannot guarantee LOVE, but they definitely act as a catalyst and speed up the process of getting close to each other as they lead to deeper and more vulnerable questions.
How To Use The 36 Questions?
Before you use the questions, please realize that this exercise is used to form a deep connection with someone, and might or might not lead to love. However, it is still regarded as a great way to know the other person, rather than having a small talk about favorite colors, current weather, and favorite food.
Some questions like, What is your most terrible memory? And when did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? might be triggering and could unlock the vulnerable side of a person, so one should be very careful and patient.
According to Dr. Aron, if you want to try these questions, he advises you to take turns answering the question instead of one person answering all the questions at once and vice versa.
Answers should be back and forth, as you feel safe revealing your vulnerable side if the other person also does it. The question deepens as the set increases, so you should take your sweet time to answer and not rush it.
